One hot day a couple of nunns were working in the vatican. Its was extremely hot so the nunns were working in the nude. There was a quiet knock at the door, the nunn went to the door " who is it " ask the nunn, " the blind man " was the response, the nunns looked at each other and thought, why get dressed, after all, he is blind. the nunns opened the door and the guy walks in and says" hey, nice tits, now were do you want the blinds hung.
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A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect loaded Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.
Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say! If you farted just touching it, you're gonna sh*t when you hear the price."
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A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find
her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was
about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about...
Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired
and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the
roast beef you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
She had ************SPAM/BANNEAR************ some worn sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of
good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style.
She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday
that you never wore because the color didn't suit you..
Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that were
perfectly good, but too small for you now.
Then, when she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked:
"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"
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A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says: "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"
:-o :-o
